My life, my dominion

I've been thinking. What makes the perfect love letter?
Must it ooze with romance?
Must it spell out the essential bond between two people?
Must it maket the reader melt?
Should it just express wat teh writer has to say?
Should it lie?

I wonder?

Sitting on the bus or rather standing which is my usual practice, is a rather interesting experience.

I'd stand and watch the people around me and wonder. Which is why i like to sit right in front on the seat that is facing the rest of the bus. The fun comes in the fact that because it is elevated i can get a good view of everyone.

Please dun be mistaken, i'm not some perverted peeping tom or voyeur, i just like looking at people. And i'm rather systemic about it too!

I start at the feet. Don't ask me why, i usually tell people apart by shoe if i can't make the face out.

You can tell alot about people from their toes. You can easily tell the type of work they do. The type of place they work at and especially their hygiene. Ladies of course bare toes more often than guys but all the same their interesting.

There are the sport shoes that have seen no sports. The worn too often pair of converse sneakers deemed too fashionable though disgusting. The bulging skethcers skate shoes that were padded to protect feet but are worn so loosely that they would cause sprains. The mended pumps that fit very well and are too sentimental to throw. The over stretched sandals that have seen plenty a wet market. The tasteful 1 inch heels that are rather annoying when they start clacking over the floor but add that essential lift in height. They all tell their story.

The toes tell lots more. There are the chipped toe nails from hours infront of the tv. The cracking heals and dead skin after long hours or years on the move. The delicately fresh nail paint with the dainty flowers, too fresh for work, very pretty for a date. Or the occasional bundle of bandage around the smashed toe after a solid tackle. Everyone leads a different life.

I usually skip the legs but I do take peculiar curiosity if the legs are shaven or waxed. You'd be surprised to see the number of men have waxed lower legs and yet have very hairy arms heh.

Abdomens dun tell much unless exposed. And most of the time i would rather ignore that part. Way too many people flatter their figures. And most obviously don't know where the mid rift begins and ends. I sure as hell don't want to see what brand of "inner garment" you wear; male or female for that matter.

However, at this point of time, clothes become very interesting. I don't so much as look out if people are fashionable, but one does realise that no one wears things the same way. So it's interesting to see how t-shirts are worn pulled back or stretched side ways, tucked out or folded. Shirt come with the sleeves either all the way doen or folded at 3/4, 1/2 or 1/4 way and usually they have something to do with the length of the tie. The longer the tie the longer the sleeve. Tan lines are also rather interesting. It's very amusing to see guy wearing sleeveless tanks when they obviously have no tan line or tan for that matter to show for. Or the mismatched tan lines that girls have that just leaves everyone rathe bewildered as to how they came to be. Sometimes i flash a knowing smile when i see someone of a similar age bearing at two-toned face and fair arms and legs. Cadet.

Now the arms are very very telling. Other than the "finger" which just about nails your status, the definition of each sinew of muscle can tell me if you are just naturally slim (i.e lazy bum) or someone with a serious work out regime.

When i look at the hands, i see some very dextrous fingers, and of course i see those suffering the same problem that i do knuckle cracking, the signs of a very stressed mind or one with a short attention span. I'll go let you guess which one i am. Once again nails are a good place to start but less about what on them but rather what is under. Dark shades can only indicate a number of disgusting habits that i would care less to eloborate but my fascination comes in the fact that i have yet to see a broken nail! you hear them but for all my life i'ver never seen such a thing. And then you see the writing, the phone numbers, chores, lists and names that get written down in all directions that you wonder if the things had been written for you to read. Such busy, and disorganised people. heh.

And finally we reach the face.
Strangely i dun read much on the face. Sure i can look at the detail of everything but they tell significanly little. I often find myself more interested in guessing what they are thinking. Telling a quarrel is rather simple, but it's the blank faces that stare around at the ceiling etc that beg for attention. What are they thinking? What is going on in their minds? What deep secret are they mulling over and tyring so hard to cover with a straight face? Or are the just lost in space, whiling the time away. What is it?
Or maybe their eying me! Guessing what is racing through my mind. YOu'd probably think i'm crazy but hey it's pretty fun. People spotting!

The above two are perhaps the most polar of opposites. we often hear of Jesus telling other to give up all and follow him, or to leave the world and to carry his cross.

And rightfully so, for the world presents to us many temptations that would drag us away from God.

However, there are ways to reconcile the two.

But first, we will examine why the two cannot be as one in man.

In Matt 21: 6-13 we see how Jesus enters Jereusalem as a triumphant king only to subsequently cause an upheaval in the temple and upsetting the very people who welcomed him.

In ver 13 Jesus explicitly states that "My house shall be a house of prayer"
HOwever, we see that the religious leaders have misused the temple and turned it into quite something else."a den of robbers"

Keep this in mind as we go into a little background.
In the 19th century up till the 20th, there was a surge in the belief in science as new theories were brought up. There was this pervading belief that science could solve all. However, as we progressed, humans realised that science did not hold or provide many of the answers to our questions. In fact they cause more problems than answer questions.
Therefore there was a surge in religious piety and more people sought all things religious and spiritual in nature. Not surprisingly, attendance in places of worship rose. people were longing to be part of the entire scheme of things rather than be apart from it. what they don't know is that they have a longing to be with God.

That's where the temple comes in. The temple is the only conduit, gateway, door to God for the Jews. It housed the holy of holies where God was said to reside. It was made in fact for teh discovery of God by the Jews when they went there for teaching and not to search for the world. The temple was designed for the Jews to come forward and to pray to God.
The religious leaders knew this and used it and turned the temple into some for of market place.

They knew that roman currency was not pure metal so that set up money changing counters for worshippers to buy gold as offering. They sold sacrificial animals, they sold doves to be set free. With all the ruckus, and the dishonest dealings, the temple had become a noisy place where people no longer could pray.

The people themselves started to treat the temple as a place of cleansing rather than a place to pray. They came, bought their salvation in the form of sacrifice or offering and then went off to do their deeds. They treated their relationship with God as a business transaction rather than what it was meant to be. In many cases they and we treat God as a crutch so that we can "cleanse" ourselves, feel good about ourselves and subsequently chase other "gods", just as the jews felt that te temple was simply there to cleanse them so that they oculd go about their business.

When jesus mentioned that he would tear downt the temple and build it up 3 days later he was talking about his body and about the temple as a whole. what he was saying was that the temple of old would be gone and a new radical way of approaching God would be presented to all. His deathe would eliminate all sacrifice as he would be the ultimate sacrifice. The church was now a symbolism of a relationship where God gave so much grace and all we had to do was be willing to accept it.

So as we can see, being spritually at one with God, usually means that we cannot be great in the world.

Yet how about all those who are successful in the world and are christian?
The key lies in their motive.

One can have both if one is singular in one's zeal for the Lord.
As mentioned above, Jesus' death presente a new way to approach teh Lord. By doing away with the sacrifice but paying the ultimate price himself, Jesus made his body both the temple and teh sacrifice.No other religion can claim that, for no other religion has it's founder sacrificing himself.

when jesus messed up the temple courts and drove out the merchants he spoke of a zeal that filled up. There we see that Jesus not only was great in the eyes of those who saw him, he was great in teh eyes of the Lord for when he saw that the debauchery in the church he had to do something about it. For that day in his life, he was known both as king and as a man with zeal for the Father.

if you truly accepted His gift, then you too could lead a life of direction where you would be rewarded justly.

Hello people. If you would just look to the right of my blog. you'd see a link to "A story i'm working on"

yeah it's just a little story that i day dream of. so it's just for reading pleasure. or just another avenue for my insanity.

do enjoy the first episode is up!

i just watched a little bit of harry potter( there wasn't anything else good on tv) and really, i don't like it's brand if magic.

why? i know it's rather traditional what with spells and potions (there are potions right?) and the usual shape shifting stuff. But although they still have to learn the stuff, does uttering a bunch of words do anything? is there like a bunch of spirits sitting around with super recorders listening out for the given words and then they swoop down to fulfil the spell.

If magic was a thing of power and talent, then shouldn't the mind be the most powerful caster of it all. where the mere thought would be sufficient and not the proper linguistics?

Wouldn't a strong will be a much better conduit for magical power than the tail feather of a phoenix. Though that i kind of liked.
i always preferred magic when it was about understanding. Understanding the things around us, understanding yourself and using that understanding to wield great power.

well i'll go dwell about this on my own :)

Psalm 16

1Keep me safe, O God for in you I take refuge.

2I said to the Lord, “ You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”

3As for the saints who are in the land they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.

4The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips.

5Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.

6The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

7 I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me

8I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

9Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,

10because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

11You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Verses 1 and 11 demonstrate the faith that David has in the Lord, for he acknowledges that the Lord will protect and provide for those who put their trust in him.

Verse 2: you may ask that how can there be no good thing in life? Your successes, your triumphs over difficulty are they all not good things in life? Well they are good in an earthly sense but ultimately, they are worthless when they are compared to God. This is particularly true when you succeed by your own strengths and fail to acknowledge God’s grace or to depend on it. Ultimately the “good things” of your life do not glorify God and are therefore worthless.

Verse 3 and 4: Only God and no other should take precedence in our lives. Focusing or trusting on the “saints” will bring you nothing for they are but human. Many a times we tend to look for human pillars of strength like a friend or a superior who is in good relations with you. But ultimately the only one who can protect and provide for you is the Lord, and should be the only object of your praise.

Verse 5 & 6: The Lord blessed David and he acknowledges that. His “boundary lines” refer to the lands of inheritance where the lines mark out what is his. What David knows is that the land or blessing that have been granted to him are good and perfect, and most importantly “secure” as our lot with God will be should we place our faith in him. Remember that the Lord not only provides but he provides well. And our secure lot comes in the from of the salvation that Jesus brings an eternal gift that cannot be take away.

Verse 7 – 10: Is both a messianic prophecy of the resurrection of Christ as it is about David’s security regarding death.

Jesus’s body was untouched by decay even in death. Although our bodies will rot, God has granted our souls eternal life and of this we can be sure. Many of us fear death. Have you ever heard the news that there is something wrong with you? I have. I was once told that I had an abnormality in my heart. What this possibility meant was that my heart would potentially not be able to take the strain of an active lifestyle. At first it was the shock that came to me, for all that time I had led an active lifestyle. I had done sports and other strenuous activity but never had I been told that I was weak? Of course then the worst-case scenario syndrome came and I thought, that I might just die one day of heart failure. Far fetched but still possibility. In the end, my fears were allayed but for that moment death had seemed so real.
This fear will grip us from time to time, but resting assured in the Lord will ultimately see us through.

I think we all go through a time where we come up with these angry and perfect speeches that we would just love to deliver into the face of those we scorn

Great tirades that would shock everyone who knew us. Great speeches to rank amongst the likes of churchill, hitler and billy graham. we could move mountains with those mere words as would Mohammed or Lao Tzu oh how we would have loved to do all that. but why do we stop?

what is preventing us from taking that simple step and to "show hand"? why is it so hard to just express ourselves?

I just spent or rather wasted 16 dollars, don't ask on what just know that it was to "cool off" coz i got really ticked a while ago.

So indeed i do concede that our orations are probably fuelled by strong emotions, usually anger. so although they may seem great and probably would win us the day, ultimately well they dun do a lot of good. but how about the solution?

that is what i have yet to find. The solution to the beginning of the indignation. Obviously, it is not a simple matter of forgetting the wrong because we simply aren't built that way. And also, if it were taht simple we wouldn't get that mad in the first place.

Go think about it. i don't think there's a one way. and thsi isn't about anger management, more on conflict resolution. And really, talking about it doesn't really solve anything..

This is perhaps one of the most commonly used and misused words of all times.
And for this reason, it is unlikely to ever be rightfully used. For if from young we are imbibed by negative input from all the "hate" that is declared all around, we are never going to be able to segregate what warrants hate, dislike, abhorrence, detestful etc.

FOr most, hate is simply just anything that is not to our liking.

I have lived a rather hateful life. I have hated, people, things, systems etc.
I have even hated people i liked and still like, hated my family and hated my religion. And why? simply because i said so.

Much of the level of dislike that we stomach towards certain things is possibly more because of how we word our dislike. By saying he HATE something, we automatically imagine it to be totally debase and so negative that nothing can save it from our wrath save our self control. On the reverse, if we say that we merely dislike it, then it becomes something bearable, and possibly likeable given time.

We always tell ourselves, i hate this i hate that, but is it really hate? or are we merely annoyed by it?
Like the america who says that he hates the smell of durian. ONce he has tasted it's flesh, does he still hate it?

Or how we say everyday that we hate school? while most of us end up slogging through it, some use the hate as an excuse to drop out or rather the hate causes them to dislike school so much they find it unbearable to exist in the system.

To use the word 'hate' we are moulding ourselves unknowingly. by just shifting our tunnel to face another light, we might end up as people much happier!

Just the other day i couldn't help but feel immense pride, and jealousy all at the same time.

I had witnessed by unit's men at their Black Beret presentation.

I never had anything that grand when i got my beret which in reality, means a whole lot to me than my pips.

FOr me and soon the men, the black beret will represent a universal brotherhood.

We the modern cavalry, the new knights of the battlefield.

We the armour.

For us, the black beret is not a means of distinction but a recognition of solidarity. Solidarity earned through the common experience that we will all share.

They may be simple, but oh how we will remember them. Ask anyone and he will tell you the same story of greasy nights, screaming out in the field, the dust in your face and the choking smell of diesel, lubricant and mud all mingled together.

There is a strange bond that is forged between man and machine, and man and man.

The 11 men who squeeze into the steel box of wheels that others scorn as the moving coffin are like family, brothers literally in arms. Should anything happen, they will most likely die together, both literally and figuratively. The vehicle is THEIR's. Unlike the airforce when it's one man to his machine, or the navy where it is one crew to their ship, this is one vehicle one family. In a strange way it is like the family car that no one wants to sell.

I can tell you that whenever we take pictures, we scramble for our own vehicles. When we curse we curse our own vehicles and when any other dares to say anything else it's as good as spitting in your face.

And i have pride in that. I hated my life before, i hate it now, but i will always have the pride. Every family is dysfunctional on the inside, but what counts is what they do in the face of others.

And the envy.
I never got the chance to drive my vehicle, let alone parade in front of my parents.
Strange, sure i was proud when i commission. But really there was one moment in that parade one moment in that day that i knew meant that we would have traded that moment for another just like my men's. When it came to tossing our hats everyone did it three four five times. Everyone noticed it, they laughed as they saw groups of boys coming together, tossing their hats, dispersing to retrieve them and then come together just to do the same.

But we didn't. We tossed it once then affixed the berets to our head. The beret was sacred and something that we didn't want to risk ever touching the ground. The others never had much chance to wear the beret, for the past five months they wore caps. We were different, the berets had gone with us through hell and back. They were sacred not some toy you tossed in joy.

we were proud.

And to end things off as is now the trend.

I GOT A DIGITAL CAMERA!!!!!

A PANASONIC LUMIX (not the chio sleek one but its still a good camera!!!)

WOO HOO!

and and and, i have 1 256mb card!!!! WOO HOO HOO HOO!
i am going to just snap away!!!!

Yes my mind is so shot i think target boards have less holes. I am so drained from staring at figures the whole time that really it's all i think about.
Mention a date and my mind starts to race to the conducting officer, supervising officer, neutral, errors, remedy action to be taken etc. my head is SPINNING!

Which is why while i originally wanted to blog about a parade i just attended i am only capable of writing the following.

yes the three little words.
They do entail a lot don't they?

I mean first of all, we dun know really know what causes us to say it. I mean if you deconstruct it, the middle word alone warrants a whole lot of explaining, soulsearching and in the end you never really come up with an acceptable answer. In your quest to justify or deny it (you usually do both) you end up with the same question and then the question, which one of the answers to the first quesiton is the right one?

I mean, do you even **** that person? do you trully really **** that person. If so , how do you know that it's real and not just a fad?

and after you've gotten this phase you go from " do i", to "should i". basically you wonder of your next course of action. Then you start dramatizing the whole deal by fantasizing, downsizing yourself and finally when it comes to pulling the stunt you sit and wonder, why in the world did i put myself through so much bloody trouble just to be...

of course when the results comes, the three little words immediately become greatly contested now matter which way answer you get. Acceptance/reciprocation would warrant the ever recurring question "do i still.....?"

rejection is just a matter of replacing the first word to form "will i still...?"

So really, much of our lives are governed by this phrase. Amusing isn't it.?

Now that i've extablished that songs are merely just other people saying what you want to hear what about the things that you want to say?

That's what books are for. More often than not, none of us can come up with nice things to say to each other. We rack our brains and then realise that really we aren't as creative as we thought ourselves to be. Of course some of you would dispute my previous entry by saying that songs are what we want to say not hear. Wrong, often the words in songs are so known by everyone else in the world that you are un likely to want to say it to anyone for fear of being told that you are cliche.

On the other hand, not everyone reads the same books. yes there are popular books but really, how many people read and memorise lines from books and go around mumbling them in their heads while tapping their feet to the rhythmless way they mouth out the words. So there, the chances of someone having read some nice meaningful line ( i concede, anyone who uses shakespeare is cliche, and quotes from famous personalities are just plain bland) that you just used is so well, low.

So yes, we read books not because their interesting but because booksa are what make up our speech, what we say and the ideas that we try to convey.

I guess after such a long ramble you'd be asking what's the point.

um.

read more?

was actually going to blog this like a lot earlier but due to work well couldn't.

Took a happy pill on sunday heh, some know some dun know why or how heh, must say it managed to keep me sane for the greater part of the week so far thank fully.

yup so there. heh
just that!

Perhaps the best eulogy is given not at the funeral, or even before it but always after.

Eulogies are meant to remember the dead, to bring relief to the deceased’s pain. To tell them how fondly the dead have been remembered and that their dead had actually lived a decent life.

But really, are you really honouring the dead with mere words?

Are you?

Okay so I dun feel like bloggin right now heh I’ll see you all another time.