My life, my dominion

This is the title of a piece of music that i absolutely LOVE. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.
It features a gu zhen or pipa, can't remember what it was but it really nice. It's a bit like new age where the parts of the piece fade into the music to make the whole piece.

And it really captures the essence of a train station. I find it very much like a bitter sweet place. The emotions of people leaving and coming. The sad songs of leaving trains and the upbeat sounds of trains coming in with tales of are off lands. with their mysterious cargo.

So here i am again, going off on my 3rd overseas trip for training. The only problem is that i don't know what i am supposed to do there. HAHA oh well, i'm just looking forward to coming back. DUnno if i'll feel the same way next year when i fly off for studies. The only good this is that i will be back in december coz of my brother's wedding.

Sigh well, gtg pack now. I'll see you all soon.

I'm listening to Utada Hikaru right now... Very nice :)

My life is in flux at the very moment.
I'm having mood swings, am i'm PMSing??
Stupid question....
But really, somehow i feel more 15 then i did 5 years ago. I'm more rebellious, more anti-social, more unreasonable than ever.

I snap at people, it's not that i've changed, but suddenly this new me is not an improvement or a progressive change but a total retrogression to what i was before or rather kinda skipped.

I always wondered why i never went through the rebellious taht my mother predicited i would given my nature. I used to be rather pleasnt, now i'm a monster. I brood almost all the time, i eye people with malicious stares.
I read a poster in the MRT yesterday; it was about psychosis. It mentioned that the symptoms were thinking that people were against me, smiling and talking to myself, not caring about my appearance, mood swings to name a few. They all seemed to fit me. I'm getting worried. Maybe i am sick, maybe there really is something wrong. I really hope there is, coz realy, i hope that what i am now isn't what i will remain. SIGH

i need to change, i don't want to be some hideous beast...... SAVE ME! i'm drowning in my own quagmire of doom. .........

i'm falling
falling down.
falling
way
way
down.

+(

Depeche Mode, Somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when
I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

I was just taking stock of what i don't have in life:

1. fashion sense (i am possibly the only 20 yr old guy on this planet whose wardrobe is totally picked out by his parents. Dun blame me, i'd rather they pick so that i dun pay heh plus they say i have bad taste)

2. i dun have taste (at least according to my parents)

3. a good hair style, or rather i refuse to style it coz it's short and frankly quite un manageable, if i'm not wrong i didn't comb my hair for most of jc.

4. time to do all the things i want

5. good spectacles, still wearing the pair that got so scratched the last time i went australia. can't see clearly through it but some how they are rather indestructible.

6. cash, yeah i'm broke there. what else can i say

7. a functional body, my knees are battered, my joints have been sprained or dislocated one way or another, i've got lousy hand eye coordination, i gain weight very easily, i've got flat feet, thick fingers hmm....

8. sense of humour..... i can't joke, okay i can't tell good jokes...... i can tell funny stories...... if that makes up for it .....

9. intelligence... getting progressively stupid nowadays, brain cells got shot from all the loud noises i have to put up with for the past 1 year and nine months

10. faith, i believe in God, but somehow i fail to have enough faith that he will pull me through, i lack that faith to do things for him, i just don't ahve it in me. So sian, just want time for myself, yet sigh, could do so much but i don't ........

dun have lots of things

yet i'm still very grateful for the things i do have like my family, great friends, clean air and peace of mind. i'm very very blessed :)

here's a little song.

When we all see what we should see
All we should see is the good we know
That others do for us and show them our
Gratefulness

Everything we call our own is only what we have been given
If we see life selfishly we give up on the the joy of giving.....

:)

okay so i'm going round the bend again

I lost the following things when i lost my phone:

1.My phone (DUH!)

2. Lots of contacts

3. Some very precious messages

4. A 70 dollar device that's supposed to absorb radiation

5. A 2 minute recording of a very meaningful conversation i had with a very good friend. i actually didn't record it on purpose but when I realised that I had I was rather glad coz i like listening to that conversation. Dunno why ......

yeah so there. SIGH........