My life, my dominion

Our instructors used to taunt us when we were a bit "slow" in our movements. They would say, "Eh war over already leh!"

Which was really funny, coz we'd always laugh in the vehicle on the way back that if the war was over then basically we wouldn't have to fight.

Makes sense right? Heh.

Anyhow we would laugh about it but then there was once where someone brought up the question, " What if someone told us that the war was over?"

Somehow we all thought about it and for once the whole room of twelve guys just went silent. I mean if we were really in a war, what would happen when it ended? What would we do? Where would we go? Is there anything to do?

And well looking at a deeper level, what would you do if after struggling for so long. Where your life was just consumed by this one thing, and suddenly it was over?

What would you do?

This is the 3rd time i am trying to finish this entry without the stupid comp crashing on me.

Well yeah, anyway, haven't written in ages, the excuse? parade parade parade, and that's pretty much it, parade all the way.

So yes let's talk about insanity. Or maybe we'll talk about individuality instead. Nice sane topic isn't it.

What does being and individual mean? What does it entail?

What makes an individual? Does he determine his own individuality or is defined? So maybe individuality is not so much how you see yourself, a birth given possession but rather it's a coat that you wear that those whose existence parallels yours give you.

Or maybe, like us humans, individuality is more of a relative idea. Where your individualitiness is defined by how you fit in or stand out? For example, the Arab with his turban and beard would stick out in south easter china while you probably couldn't tell a drunk america from a drunk german in an irish pub.

Take for example, walking down a street. Some of us are 'avoiders' we walk such that we don't bang into anyone or rather we avoid the 'bangers' who feel they own the sidewalk which tend to be the majority. So are we individuals in that we choose to be a minority or are we no more unique as the next avoider down th street?

I think that true individuality comes in insanity.

The insane are alone. Largely, they cannot or seldom communicate with the world, or rather the world where we live in, what world they are on is another matter.

Insanity in distinctly unique. Ever wondered why mental conditions have so many variations, names and grey areas? It is simply because no two patients have the same illness. Unlike heart disease where the symptoms and results are very much similar or identical, mental patients are basically like fingerprints.

You know that patient A id different from patient B because A raves about invisible venus fly traps while patient B believes that the world is a giant chicken egg and that the current global warming is just a sign of the end of the earth when the egg cracks. But heart patient C and hear patient D both need triple bypasses due to a clogged aorta.

And what about belonging to a community,. Insanity has no community. Do they communicate with each other? Do they interact with each other? Even if they were segregated, their communication is very much like ours limited to the everyday conversations. When they lapse into their bouts of insanity they cease to communicaste with each other. Therefore they are well and truly on their own.

Which brings us back to our own individuality. I'm rather proud to be half nuts heh. Quite seriously i think i'm one of a kind because of my 'insanity'. The sense that i am unpredictable, surprising and downright shocking in some aspects is very amusing to say the least. I live well in the knowledge that i am perfectly capable in living in my own little world heh. Hermit in by my ownh hallucinations of my very very convulated mind. haha

well this essay is turning is very bad coz i'm tired and all train of thought was lost when the computer crashed the second time round. heh

Oh well

how much of an individual are you?

It has been raining a lot the past few day hasn't it?
Been running in this rain a lot too!
 
Well everyone always talks about weathering the storm. How about life being one big storm?
Life in general is a storm.
 
When life hits you, it always seems to be when there's is a lull. Now when i say lull i mean that there isn't a change to the pace of life. Ever noticed how the worst disasters are always coming when your life is at its happiest or when you thought that things could never get any worse?
 
Same for storms, they always come either when your having a fun activity or when you're mulling around in deep thought over some problem and then WHAM! The storm just comes to make it worse.
 
And then storms have a funny way of making one become very narrow minded, the first thing that comes to mind is "why me of all times NOW?"
 
When actually, if we look around, storms hit everyone! And everyone gets more or less hit equally and at the same time. Clouds don't form on top of peoples heads and start zapping them with lightning or pouring on them. No, your everyday nimbo stratus will form and dish out pain and misery to all around.
 
And well, life also has her casualties. We all suffer this fate.
 
So maybe i am a little love sick.
 
8 months to emancipation
 
5 months to relief 

allow me to now tell you that i think we all get lonelier as we get older.

I think by now some of you would have realised that as we slowly step into the adult world, some more than others, we seem to be well more a person than we used to be. I.e. to say that we are more of an individual. We lack groups to call our own.

Or perhaps it hasn't hit you yet. Which is a good thing. But i know that for some, the realisation that work can just suddenly envelope your entire world is a somewhat worrisome thought, or for others, it comes as a rude shock.

I have found no solution to this problem. If anything i have come upon a new understanding that just baffles me further: a meaningful life

basically i think that the meaning of life is to lead a meaningful life. (barring my religious backing of course).

As long as you are doing something that you are committed to, the side effects and sacrifices will all seem okay! On the other hand, get forced into a position where everything you do is something that leads no where, benefits no one and is all of the sake of nothing and well you start to lose track of life.

So wake up and smell the coffee and roses (though i suspect that together they don't smell very nice :)
Go do something that brings meaning to your life.

Perhaps this is how the perfect love letter should be. That each time the pen meets the paper, it should be just that; Once All Over Again.

After some deep thought, i realise that really, the content of the letter or rather what it's purpose, context or intent be, is unimportant.

In fact, it can be a whole lot of gibberish, it can link the two minds, it can just be sweet nothings, it could use the most perfect of words and it would cease to be a love letter, if it did not do one thing: Make the reader feel special.

Eloquence can flatter, but it can never make the heart believe. What the heart instead thinks is that even though it knows that genuine feelings are lacking, but it would rather take a substitute rather than have nothing at all.

A letter that links two minds can mean nothing more than two friends who understand each other very well. A letter such as this is nothing more than a mutual understanding.

And if it merely conveyed a message, waht kind of a letter would that be? It could easily be a lie as it would be a expressions of love.

No the perfect love letter is one that is selfless. Whose sole purpose is not to tell the reader who much the writer loves the former, but to just convey the simple message, that as the first time, as always, the reader is a special person. Special to the writer in a way that no one else is. That is how it should be.