My life, my dominion

I think everyone's lives are just too full of things to worry about. I think that sometimes we push ourselves too hard. or that we deliberately cram our lives with so much junk so that it becomes an excuse for us to not do what needs to be done. We are such pathetic creatures.

Anyhow i think it's a good to just list out everything that is on my mind right now so that i can at least just see what they are.

1. Church work, there seems to be so much yet so little i can do
2. Work, dunno where i'm going, and when i do get where i'm supposed to go then what do i do. I don't know anything!
3. Family, there are some things well, let's just put it that things are just different, very different.
4. Relationships, i really dunno where i'm going with this long dist relationship. I dunno how it's going to turn out neither do i know how to make it last. I'm just so lost.
5. Me, i've changed. I'm not me. I right now suck. I've got a lousy personality, my temper has gotten worst, i've become a nervous wreck half the time, i've become very hostile. I dunno, it's like mr hyde totally took over me.
6. university. I ain't going in so soon but well doesn't mean that i don't worry aobut it. what happens when i don't do well? what? What if i chose the wrong course. I've never had experience in it. What if i can't cope? ARGH!!!!

Sigh........... SIGH............ Nuts, just so NUTS.

So finally, i've given into the global trend and started my own damned blog.
Somehow i have no idea why i do this. Perhaps it's just in my nature to keep everything to myself. I don't like being a burden to others with my problems, neither do i like having this feeling that i have no outlet. i guess lots of people who blog have that same problem. Their not lonely, yet they fell so isolated. I remember someone telling me once that only crazy people talk to themselves, i wonder if blogging is considered crazy. i dunno. YOU're not exactly talking to yourself, more like the entire world, but rather the only people who are actually going to bother about what you say is yourself so by default you are just talking to yourself. How interesting.

ANyhow, right now i'm going through a personal crisis. And this is seriously the only way i know how to let things out. My mind has totally stalled and i'm not functioning.
Call me selfish but i haven't had time to myself for a really long time. i haven't had well enough free RAM heh in my brain to focus on me.

In the past few months i have changed totally. I'm not who i used to be neither am i who i want to be. NIght after night, i stay up late, watching television wilil the wee hours of the morning just so that i can forget about the troubles on my mind.

I know that i should do something about them but i'm just so paralysed by the sheer amount of things that need to be done and the fact that none of them can go wrong. i'm just so tired. So very tired