My life, my dominion

YOu know, i didn't lead a particularly great childhood. I didn't lead a particularly great teen hood. I mean yeah i did some pretty fun things, and i can say that i did quite a lot of good stuff.
But i just feel so empty. Dunno why.
Actually i do know why. I'm a social spastic. I absolutely lack EQ, and have no way of interacting with other people. I'm a detestable bastard, with a lousy personality and the mentatility of a pool of mud, all murky and disgusting.
All my life i was hiding behind, books, work and this false sense that if i worked hard enough that i would be able to enjoy life more later. Now the days are busier than ever, and i have even less to enjoy.
I constantly hole my self up in private sessions of personal joy coz i know that if i were to join in group fun i would lose myself or that i would have to pull the plug sometime and get ridiculed for it.

Somehow i did get a bit of my social life back in gear. Wonder how long it will last. my last social engagement will end in a few hours time. SIGH........
oh well............